


2018

by kiminseong



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-19
Updated: 2017-10-19
Packaged: 2019-01-19 10:19:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12408519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiminseong/pseuds/kiminseong
Summary: Minhyun's eyes had threatened him for days, but he really felt the tears pressing against him now, thinking about everything he had experienced that he was going to lose to go back to something that seemed better off without him.





	2018

Everything he placed in the suitcase felt like it weighed several pounds more than it actually had. He carried a weight with even himself that was unimaginable among the other members considering they were not leaving to come back to someplace they had known so well. He would watch close friends part soon enough only to return to older ones. He couldn’t stand the feeling that hung around the dorm like the paint on the walls. It was a sadness that danced itself above them eerily. Minhyun wanted to take it into his hands and tear it from atop their heads, but it was them who caused it. They let the little beads of tears bubble and collect on their eyelashes to only be seen later by one another. It was hard to try and pack up with the others, so Minhyun planned on doing it alone, but Woojin walked in, interrupting his thoughts. 

“Hi, hyung,” he said before tending to his own things that were scattered about their dorm messily. Minhyun had enjoyed living with Woojin for the short amount of time they had gotten to live with one another despite his messiness. He wasn’t bad at cleaning, but his folding skills were lacking, so the clothes he laid out to pack looked like piles of dirty clothes, rather. 

“Hello, Woojin,” Minhyun said back to him before the silence between the two grew steady. Minhyun folded the things of his own carefully into his bag, which was easier than he had hoped it would be. They were told to not pack everything, yet. They would still have to produce their final song before their break up, but they were sure to be leaving each other. This, the source of their emitted sadness, made Minhyun’s legs shake beneath him. It hadn't felt like even a year, let alone anymore than that. 

The cold tightened on the air outside, making his shaking easily explained, but he wanted to collapse on himself. Every part of him wanted nothing more than for their group to be able to stay together liked they deserved to be able to. Their success was impressive compared to Nu’est, who almost seemed better off without Minhyun. They had grown popular once he had left, granted they had been on a survival show, which gained popularity for each of them. Nothing pointed towards his return being necessarily beneficial. He felt the tears he had wanted to throw away claw their way from his body and sting his outer eye. They fell down his cheeks one at a time, but he wiped the stains they left off of his cheek. He blinked the other tears his body begged to produce away, leaving himself with a slight sniffle that caught Woojin’s attention. 

“You aren’t crying right now, hyung, right? I can leave if you need me to,” he stated simply. He had such an ease with speaking so bluntly to those around him, no matter their age. It was a peculiar way to talk, but Minhyun enjoyed it when he used it to be funny rather than mocking or derogatory. Befriending Woojin hadn’t been difficult, but rather strange, instead. He was easy enough to get along with, yet blunt about the things that did not involve him or simple statements that hadn’t had much meaning behind them. He grew timid and embarrassed easily, though, which was something Minhyun had never expected from him. It was likely caused by the discouraging amount of votes he had received from fans during the Produce 101 days that made him think he needed to work harder than most of them, but his final ranking should speak louder to him. 

“No, sorry,” Minhyun replied, not sure of what else he should say more to him. He had clearly lied, but his voice was shaky, and he didn’t want to have to try and explain more than he needed to. 

“No need to apologize, hyung.” 

“Can you excuse me?” Minhyun left hurriedly, feeling the tears ready to drown out his eyes. He wasn’t sure why lying to Woojin so blatantly had grieved him so, but he was angry at himself for even more than just that, now. He was angry at himself for winning a position in the top eleven and not being the best among his old group. He is even more angry for wishing anything else other than having been able to befriend every member of this band. Being a member of Wanna One had taught him more about himself and about others than he had been able to learn with Nu’est. He was grateful for every experience in this dorm and outside of it. He didn’t want to finally let go of everything he had been only to hold so closely to himself. Thinking sillily like this drove him to tears, which locked him in the bathroom themselves. 

Sliding down the wall to hit the floor with a light thud, he let quiet sobs fall out of his mouth. He had to stop crying like this, someone was bound to come and find him, especially Woojin if he wasn’t already telling the others that Minhyun had begun to cry while getting ready to leave. Finding his head in the gentle comfort of his own hands, he wiped away tears that ran down his cheeks. He stood, support from the wall being the only thing that actually let him stand. He ran the sink, but he couldn’t move his hands away from where they lay on the sink, supporting his upper body. 

_ Knock, knock, knock.  _

_ Really?  _ Minhyun thought to himself, but he didn’t mind. He understood if others needed to be in the bathroom. Granted he didn’t want to be seen with his eyes as strikingly puffy as they were now, he couldn’t allow the other boy into the bathroom. “One minute!” Minhyun sang in the happiest voice he could attempt to muster, but his voice cracked on minute. 

“Hyung? Minhyun-hyung, is that you? Are you okay?” Jaehwan. Minhyun felt his heart beat a bit faster hearing Jaehwan’s voice over all the others’. It was strange that the two had become so close during their time together. They were polar opposites, never really agreeing with one another, but always managing to understand the other when necessary. It was easy to be completely himself around him, too, because it seemed that Jaehwan begged that from the people he spent time with. Nothing was just for a camera’s sake, even if he did want to impress his viewers. Minhyun enjoyed his striking sense of humor above everything else, too. He was sweet and genuine always, but it was scary that the ways he showed affection tended to be purely through humor. He was a character that belonged completely to himself; no one could rewrite him. 

“Ah, yes, Jaehwan, I am fine,” Minhyun tried through the door, a bit quieter this time, lacking the emotion present in his last response. He didn’t want it to sound like he had been crying, but he knew that he had to leave sometime. He couldn’t just wait out the sting ever present in his eyes. 

“Are you almost done, hyung?” Jaehwan asked impatiently through the door. Minhyun felt himself choke down another sob, but what for? What was making him cry now? 

He tried to speak up to tell him that, yes, he would be out in a second, but he had to swallow his words. His throat let the sob out, and tears found their way to his cheeks. They only made him more upset and making him want to cry more. “Hyung?” Jaehwan called to him through the door, “Should I come back later…?” He made it sound like he was trying to talk to him rather than just use the bathroom for whatever reason he needed in there. He didn’t make it sound urgent, and he would have if he really needed in there immediately. 

“No, I will be out soon,” Minhyun choked. It was so obvious he was crying, he couldn’t hide it. 

“Hyung, will you please let me in?” he asked, this time sounding like worry was stuck in his throat. He almost sounded scared, but he should know Minhyun better than to think that he would do something stupid now. 

“I...the sink is overflowing?” he answered back like it was a question. He might as well have told Jaehwan that he was going to yell a quick lie through the door. 

“The sink isn’t running, hyung.” Jaehwan sounded unimpressed with the lie he had managed. Simply seeing Jaehwan so worried about him during a time one could only have sadness drilled into them made him want to choke on the wails he could create. He coughed into his arm, a violent stream of tears finding their way from his eyes and onto his cheeks. 

“I am sorry…” Minhyun cried. His fingers shook trying to click the unlock into place, but he managed, and as soon as he did, Jaehwan fell into the bathroom. His eyes were wide when he entered, seeing Minhyun such a complete mess. He closed the door behind him, and Minhyun heard a faint click which told him that he had locked the door behind himself. He looked up willingly at the boy who looked so startled by Minhyun’s crying, but it felt strange to Minhyun that more tears weren’t present in the dorm. 

Minhyun knocked his head against the wall, his forehead kissing it gently. He cried toward it, not wanting to face his bandmate. Despite this, Jaehwan took his arm and turned him around. In a weak attempt to leave his grasp once again, he slid down the wall, where he was closer to level with the toilet rather than Jaehwan. Nonetheless, Jaehwan knelt down and brushed a tear away from Minhyun’s eye with a slight smile. 

“Hyung!” he cheered, “I have never seen you cry...not like this!” he confessed aloud. It was so strange, the things he chose to comment on over others. 

“I don’t… This doesn’t happen often…” Minhyun admitted shamefully. 

“It’s okay, hyung, I just didn’t expect you to look so pretty while crying, too…” he shared his thoughts, sounding genuinely surprised. The ‘too’ had implied that there were other times he believed that Minhyun was “so pretty,” but it was embarrassing for Jaehwan to try to comment that. He wanted to be able to complement Jaehwan as well, but thinking about it, he wasn’t sure if he could stop once he began sharing. 

Minhyun found the boy unexplainably attractive. He liked every aspect of his visage, but for no particular reason. He didn’t have clear features that would stand out anywhere but on him, and Minhyun was lucidly aware of his personality not being the only reason he was able to relate his face to the sense of attractiveness. He was adorable, really, in a way much different from say, Jihoon. His smile was completely breathtaking, perfect rows of teeth decorating the frame of lips curved in a unique shape that was difficult to find flawed. His eyes sparkled with a mischief that was magnetizing, and maybe that was why Minhyun couldn’t pull himself from the boy. Even if he starved himself of his company at times for the sake his saviors, peace and quiet, he was constantly attracted to the pull of Jaehwan, even if it didn’t make sense to either of the boys. He wanted to be with the boy for longer than he would ever be able to, now. Gratefulness for what this experience has taught him and the people he got to meet was more present than any emotion, but he felt like the feeling was being shoved down his throat. 

He wanted to never have to forget Jaehwan. Being with him was something he never realized he needed to much until now. And bottling this all up was something he wanted to never have down, now. 

Instead of offering a complement to the boy who made it harder to leave than the rest, he just rejected the one he was offered. “I am not...very pretty, it’s alright.” 

Jaehwan’s mouth fell open agape, and he gave a look that implied he was completely baffled. “You don’t actually believe that, do you? Because if you do, you should know that you are really wrong.” 

“Thank you, Jaehwan, b — ” 

“—but what, hyung? You are… Oh, hyung, please just believe me before this gets cheesy, okay?” He offered a smile toward the boy across from him. Minhyun pressed his lips together, releasing them to reveal an embarrassed smile. He hid his face, looking down a bit, when he smiled, though. 

“Ah, okay, Jaehwan,” he said with a small laugh falling from his lips. “Thank you, though, Jaehwan.”

Jaehwan rolled his eyes, exaggerating, “It really was nothing,” he enthused, swiping his hand in the air in the cliche motion that most would when saying this. 

“But in all seriousness, hyung, do you want to talk?” he asked, tilting his head so that he was looking into Minhyun’s eyes. Minhyun felt himself catch his own breath with Jaehwan so close to him. They had done this plenty of times, what made it different now? His heartbeat grew faster than it already was, and Minhyun had already prayed for that to be impossible. 

He could only manage a senseless stutter in response to Jaehwan, which was so unlike him. He had been used to being composed around others. He made simple sense of his actions. “...hyung? Are you...okay?” Jaehwan squinted at him, unsure of what could be wrong. 

“Yes I just… Is it hot in here?” He was growing red on the tips of his ears, so he pressed his lips together quickly and hoped that Jaehwan wouldn’t notice. He looked down, begging himself to not have salty tears tug at his eyes again. To no prevail, they shed lightly just as Jaehwan’s hand placed itself lightly on Minhyun’s quivering jaw. 

“Look at me, hyung.” Minhyun raised his head, obeying. It was strange, how serious he had sounded. He was scared of so much more than just losing the band now, but completely losing touch with his best friends. He couldn’t imagine a moment where he wouldn’t be able to feel just this comfortable with those he loved more than he could imagine having ever loved. It was strange, having to take part in such a cruel survival show, but adoring what he got out of it. The relationships he built were unreal; he would never have found this sort of paradise for himself if was never unsuccessful in the beginning, so maybe everything does happen for a reason, but what about these boys made it necessary for them to break up now. “What’s wrong? It has to be more than the obvious, right?” Jaehwan raised his eyebrow in question. 

Minhyun sniffed, trying to fight back the last of his tears. “I… I don’t want to go back, not at all. I am scared. Nu’est was doing so well without me, better than they ever have, and I… I don’t want to leave you guys.” He shook underneath himself trying to speak. He forced somewhat of a confession across his tongue to reach Jaehwan’s ears. “I don’t want to leave you,” he looked Jaehwan in the eyes now, which was harder now than it ever had been before. 

Jaehwan only bit his lip in response. He tugged at his bottom lip with sharp little teeth, seemingly just chewing senselessly. Minhyun wondered if Jaehwan even processed what he said properly. “You don’t mean…?” Jaehwan didn’t fill in what he was thinking, but it was simple to tell. Nothing less serious than this would be left unspoken between the two for so long. 

“I do.” 

He closed his eyes in a furious sob, but he was welcomed again by Jaehwan’s lips against his own. He had’t seen it coming at all, but he kissed back the second he felt the sensation buzz across his mouth. He burned a scar along Minhyun’s lips, but he kissed back, still. Minhyun never wanted to forget what the boy felt like, their breath being shared with such close contact. When Jaehwan pulled back, the last thing Minhyun expected was a tearful smile, but despite the sudden redness in the boy’s face, he was elated. 

“I am sorry, hyung.” he laughed, his voice threatening to crack under the weight of the words. 

“Don’t be, please.” 

Jaehwan nodded, tears falling silently from his eyes, “I really never thought you would say it, hyung.” 

“You mean...?” 

“Yes, hyung.” Jaehwan had liked Minhyun for far longer than this, was Minhyun was just oblivious to it? 

As the couple stood to leave the bathroom in complete silence, Jaehwan broke it, his voice quiet, “Hyung?” 

“Yes?” 

“You know this isn’t goodbye. We will see each other again, we will always be friends, even if we aren’t right next to each other. There is no way I would let myself forget you, either.” 

Minhyun closed his eyes. He was sick of sharing how grateful he was in tears. He wanted show the others that he was truly grateful without crying. He wanted to be strong for them; he wanted to love them completely. He did, though, already, he realized. It was so simple. There was nothing more that he could do to show them his care for each and every one of them because their was no limit to the love he felt for his bandmates. 

“And I won’t ever forget you, either.” Thinking for a moment, Minhyun followed himself up, “Didn’t you have to use the bathroom?” 

“Oh yeah!” 

 

**Author's Note:**

> i am sorry that this is kinda bad... it was written quickly and was a little prompt for my sibling, so i hope you liked it !


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